The Hook Up
by lisa316
Summary: Max is in heat. Who will she hook up with? Read to find out. M/A/L/Z/W


**The Hook Up**

The moment Alec and Original Cindy returned from their delivery, they knew something was amiss. Jam Pony wasn't ever your typical working environment, but it had never been quite this erratic before. Women were scowling, some of them even fighting openly, and they arrived just in time to see one of their coworkers throw a coffee cup at her significant other before running away to bawl her eyes out in the ladies' room. Everyone who had a boyfriend other was screaming at him, and Natalie had Sketchy backed into a corner, pelting him with home baked chocolate chip cookies. It was pandemonium.

"You!" Normal came running towards Cindy, looking a little worse for wear. His high-waisted pants were crooked and the pencil he wore behind his ear was dangerously close to slipping. "Go take care of your friend. Hose her down if you have to, just deal with it. This is a delivery service, not pay per view."

They both rushed to the lockers to find Max, who was sweaty and flushed and loosening her clothing every which way. She was looking at various male riders with smoldering eyes, and they were walking into walls and tripping over their feet whenever they got caught her gaze. Everyone could smell pheromones, even though nobody knew exactly what a pheromone smelled like…but there were definitely pheromones some place. It was obvious: Max was in heat, and she was getting heatier by the second.

"Alright, don't worry," Alec said, taking charge of the situation with a confident swagger and a smug grin. "I know how to handle this. I'll take care of it."

"Oh, thank God! So handle me already!" Max exclaimed as she launched herself into Alec's arms and proceeded to suck on his left earlobe.

"I don't know," Original Cindy temporized. "Maybe we should hang on a minute, think this thing through."

"No, it's cool," Alec assured her, "I've handled dozens of X5s in heat; it was part of my training."

"I figured you had lots of experience with this," Max purred, moving on to the right ear and dragging Alec towards the door. "Wanna go back to my place? Or the alley out back?"

"Whatever," Alec agreed, because he was easy going that way.

Just then Logan rushed in, hurrying to Max's side. "Max, I got your message. What's going on?"

"Logan!" Max squealed in delight as she untangled herself from Alec and launched herself into his arms, happily nibbling on his shoulder.

"Sista-girl's feelin' a little feline again," Cindy explained, just in case Logan hadn't figured it out when Max started leaving little hickies all over his throat.

"So I see. Alright. Thanks, Alec, I've got it from here."

"You sure?" Alec asked. "She's pretty riled up, maybe I should take care of her. After all, it might take someone with super human strength and endurance to handle her. And don't take this the wrong way, man, but I'm probably _better equipped_ for this sort of thing."

"I'm just as well equipped as you are," Logan told Alec.

"No you're not."

"Well, I'm taller."

Damn! He hated it when Logan was right.

"I just love tall, well-equipped men," Max said, pulling Logan's shirt off.

Just as Logan was untangling himself from Max enough to be able to drag her to the nearest parked car, Zack heroically rushed in.

"Max, I came to warn you, you're in danger! There's a plot to…Wow, you look great," he said, getting hit by the wave of pheromones that everybody could smell even though nobody knows what they smelled like. "Have you been working out?"

"Zack!" Max gushed, hugging him and grabbing his ass in a sisterly fashion.

"What's up? Is she in heat or something?"

Logan and Alec merely nodded.

"Well, okay," Zack shrugged, still heroically, "we'll just find the nearest public restroom and take care of it, then when we get back we can deal with that life threatening emergency thing. See you guys later."

"I love heroic men," Max whispered as she worked on his belt buckle, which was heroically easy to undo."

"Why don't you two get started on that big emergency," Logan said, extracting Max from Zack and his buckle. "Max and I will catch up with you once she's feeling better."

"Dude, don't you die if you touch her? What happened to the retrovirus?" demanded Alec.

"She's in heat. It doesn't count if she's in heat. Besides, we're meant to be together," Logan added. "It's canon."

"What do cannons have to do with it?" demanded Zack.

"Oh, never mind."

Meanwhile, Original Cindy was spritzing Max down with a spray bottle of water, trying to cool her off. Unfortunately, getting her wet didn't really help the situation as much as she thought it would.

Suddenly, the doors burst open and White stormed into Jam Pony with a team of secret agents and a little snake named Smitty that he liked to carry around in his pocket.

"The game ends here, 452. You and your disgusting band of reject lab rat brethren are finished. But" (and this is where those elusive pheromones start working) "I think maybe I should take you down to the basement for some lengthy, private interrogation first. How does that sound to you?"

"Sounds great," Max growled, slinking her arms around his neck. "Got any handcuffs?"

"Always," White answered, tapping his pocket so she could hear the cold clink of metal.

"Look," Alec said to White, "she can't have sex with you. You're the bad guy, and that's just way too morally ambiguous and confusing."

"Oh, yeah," Logan added, "but having sex with the identical twin clone of her psychopathic brother whose neck she snapped, that's normal."

"Dude, seriously! How is it that you haven't dropped dead yet?" Alec demanded of Logan.

"Look, I keep trying to tell everyone, we're not really related." Zack explained. "It's just what we called each other growing up."

"You mean where you all grew up together like brothers and sisters?"

"You should talk; you're old enough to be her father."

"I'm definitely better equipped than he is," Logan whispered to Alec, nodding towards Zack.

"No you're not," Alec informed him. "But hey - at least we're all taller than White."

"Nobody complains about it when I have them tied up in the basement," White reminded everyone, jiggling is handcuffs again for emphasis and trying to stand up a little straighter.

By now all the testosterone was making Original Cindy twitchy, and she decided she had seen more than enough transgenic angst for one lifetime, so she stepped in to intervene. She grabbed Max and told her, "You just need to go scratch your itch, boo. So pick a man and bang the gong and we can all get back to work."

"Yeah," everyone agreed, "Pick a guy and let's get this show on the road."

"That's a good idea," Max agreed, leering at all the smokin' hot men in her life.

"So, who's it gonna be?"

"Hmm," Max considered, running her hands all over her body in a distracting and highly gratuitous sort of way. "I really get hot and bothered by men who wear sexy little glasses." (Logan straightened up expectantly.) "And the All American Boy is such a turn on." (Zack smiled.) "Something about a wicked sense of humor is just so damn tempting." (Alec smiled cockily.) "But there's just something about going with the wrong kind of guy that gets me so worked up." (White nodded his understanding.) "So I know _exactly_ who I want to have take care of me."

Then Max launched herself at Normal, covering him with kisses and dragging him into the backroom, yelling out instructions not to bother them for at least an hour.

"Better make it two hours," Normal amended with a wink as he closed the door behind them.

The End

How to proceed from here:

1. Hit the little blue button at the bottom left.

2. Write me a lengthy review about how stupid this story was. Make sure you mention how overdone heat fic is and how everyone was out of character. Go on and on about how wrong I am because (insert preferred ship here) is the OTP.

3. Remember what day it is.

4. Rewrite review, telling me how funny you thought it was even though (insert preferred ship here) is the OTP.

5. Hit submit and have a nice day.


End file.
